Lately, visiting my parents sets my teeth on edge. Both are 70, progressively harder of hearing and prolific WhatsApp users. These elements combined mean that they have their phone notifications turned to extra loud, the noise clanging throughout the house and aggressively cutting through moments of peace. Mom marauds about with her iPhone dangling from her neck on a lanyard, shout-dictating into it as if she were sending a telegram in the 1920s: “LOVELY TO SEE YOU. PERIOD. ALL WELL HERE. PERIOD. KISS KISS. PERIOD.”

It’s no surprise that in March 2020, at the beginning of the pandemic, WhatsApp saw a 40% jump in usage. Even my aunt, a lifelong Luddite who once had to be persuaded to even get a phone, decided to acquiesce in the absence of other options during the lockdowns. Though this seemed decidedly against the natural order of things, before we knew it we had established our own version of what now feels like a pillar of modern family life: the Whats-App group. 

Most people have found these virtual recreations to be a great source of comfort in these trying times. Certainly, the mundanity of everyday chitchat—photographs of my dad’s endless jigsaws, my cousins’ cats, even toddler toilet talk—has taken on emotional significance, mimicking the dynamics and tone of our real-life reunions. I remember the comfort I took as a child, for example, half-listening to my aunts murmuring about things like ancestors or hats or seersucker, like a radio providing background noise. The same can be said for a family WhatsApp group: Even if you’re not paying attention, it’s comfort enough just by virtue of being there. 

Yet for all the camaraderie, navigating the complexities of family relationships and intergenerational differences over subjects like, say, politics can still be as loaded on-screen as at the dinner table. A friend described descending into an explosive row with her sister. “There is no room for subtlety or nuance in WhatsApp. What could have been a conversation, or even a lively debate, turned into a virtual slanging match immediately.” 

Whatever your own experience, spare a thought for those who are struggling to even get the basics right. Earlier in 2021, Twitter was ablaze with a story about one family WhatsApp group, whose creator took his father, Peter, to task about never responding to any messages. It transpired he had actually added a plumber named Peter who had fixed his washing machine in 2013 and who had sat in the group silently for six months.