Even before you-know-what began, making arrangements with friends often felt needlessly tricky. Diary clashes, commutes, and work (or else lying supine and recovering from work) diminished occasions for quality time. To a certain extent, this is a hard-to-avoid part of growing up: In a 2016 study, researchers at Aalto University and the University of Oxford found that after the age of 25, we begin shedding casual friends to focus on closer ties. But that doesn’t lessen the need to show up for the people who still matter. Many of us look back on the friendships we had in younger years as particularly strong.

Childhood rituals like made-up languages, friendship bracelets or secret codes may seem goofy, but they formalize common bonds in an explicit way. Friendships in adulthood can be hazier—it’s not always so easy to know if someone sees you as a close friend or as a casual pal to see once in a blue moon. But you can commit to spending more time with people you like without the need for matching necklaces. What about those mundane but important friendship routines from childhood, like taking the bus home together or movie marathons? Repeated ritual was what made childhood bonds so special, and it’s just as good a way to strengthen your friendships today. 

In her memoir The Odd Woman and The City, writer Vivian Gornick chronicles the simple arrangement she and her best friend, Leonard, have finessed over two decades: a walk, dinner and a movie. “Ours is the most satisfying conversation either of us has, and we can’t bear to give it up even for one week,” she writes. Having a long-standing commitment means you don’t have to worry about planning something. Whether it’s a phone call, drinks or shooting hoops at your neighborhood basketball court, knowing that say, Wednesday, 6 p.m., is your unmissable appointment together saves a lot of hassle.

Julie Beck, family editor at The Atlantic, knows all about the arrangements friends keep to stay close. In writing her column, The Friendship Files, she’s learned that rituals are key for friendship in the long run: “It doesn’t seem to matter what the ritual is—it’s more that it gives them a reason to regularly come together,” Beck explains over email. She’s spoken to friends who have running clubs or coordinate annual vacations, middle schoolers who conduct “PowerPoint parties,” and neighbors in New York who always look forward to sharing their subscription to People. “It’s easy to put off catching up with a friend, or planning a hangout, so building in a routine makes that easier,” she concludes. Beck loved the PowerPoint party concept—presenting subjects of interest to each other—so much that she’s started one with her long-distance friends; so ask around—you may be surprised by how many offbeat ways there are to stay close.