Feeling attracted to someone is often the first step toward a larger entanglement; a spark that, with the help of certain accelerants, will grow into the inferno of a romantic or sexual liaison. 

But where does this leave the humble crush? They have a bad reputation: angsty, unrequited fixations that can squeeze the life out of us and grind our hearts into dust. These are sparks that will never know the fullness of flame. Yet there can be something life-affirming about a secret, distant fascination that keeps your mind alive. The hot co-worker who brings coffee without asking; the stranger on your regular commute who smiles every morning; your partner’s oldest friend, whose jokes land perfectly. You might never act on the desire, but that doesn’t mean it’s a waste of time.

A crush can be a decent way of checking in with yourself. It’s an early warning system, alerting you to the areas of your life needing attention. What are you actually looking for? And what will you do about it? As intense as it might feel in the moment, most crushes are destined to be cringed at and laughed over later in life, much like teenage paramours and long-forgotten wardrobe crimes. In time, you’ll wonder what on earth you were thinking, and future you will appreciate these clues to the state of your general psyche while you were gripped by this benign passion.

Accepting a crush is to recognize it can never be real and that it has an expiration date. Eventually you will run out of fantasy scenarios that could—dramatic license allowing—throw you together, and your brain will incorporate the object of your affection back into reality. Paradise is an intangible concept best imagined; similarly, the real-life version of your crush within a relationship’s confines would likely be much less alluring. 

Enjoy the high, appreciate the distance from reality, and be supercharged by its energy. If anything, a crush’s role is either to make you thankful for what you’ve already got, or ensure you seek something more fulfilling than stolen glances or illusory flirtations. Sometimes the thrill of forbidden fruit is in the wanting, not the tasting.