( 1 ) Kinkeeping can also make family moments feel “special”—the magic-making that results from proactive caregiving, like creating or carrying on family traditions, buying gifts and decorating for birthdays and holidays.
Word: KinkeepingThe glue holding families together.
Word: KinkeepingThe glue holding families together.
Etymology: Kinkeeping, a portmonteau formed from “kin” (meaning relatives) and “keeping” (meaning the charge, care or oversight of another person of thing).
Meaning: A viral TikTok video by American teenager Molly West led to a surge of interest in kinkeeping at the start of 2023, but the concept first began cropping up in academic writing on gerontology in the late 1960s. In 1981, Canadian sociologist Carolyn J. Rosenthal presented her paper “Maintaining Intergenerational Relations: Kinkeeping,” in which she fleshed out the various characteristics and responsibilities that demarcate the role. She explained that a kinkeeper holds together their relatives across time and space via activities like telephoning, arranging family gatherings and providing mutual aid.1 Kinkeeping tends to become more formalized in response to “a specific event perceived to threaten family continuity,” Rosenthal suggested, like the death of an immediate relative. In other words, kinkeepers are those in battle against the inevitable entropy of nuclear families.
As with other familial roles, the kinkeeper is not born into the position, but rather learns to embody its attributes. Rosenthal noted that it is passed down through the generations, usually through the matrilineal line. Though some might posit that family chat groups have become substitutes for (or have rendered unnecessary) the role, there are still those who take a more proactive stance in such groups.
In her video, West called kinkeeping “the unpaid labor that women are assigned subconsciously as a gender.” It is certainly the case that more women than men fulfill the role, but to suggest that it is assigned (even subconsciously) refuses women any agency in such a decision. To hold one’s family together, and so perhaps to hold one’s family to account, can also be a way of attaining and asserting authority within such dynamics. Of course, kinkeeping can be rewarding; it may even be a pleasure, but it would be remiss to ignore the pressures and frustrations associated with such a role. After all, a kinkeeper could easily come to realize that, were they to abdicate from their responsibilities, their family might begin to drift apart, and might even come to resemble a group of strangers.
