In the Jewish tradition, a “mitzvah” refers to something you’re supposed to do. Socially oriented mitzvahs include visiting the sick, comforting the bereaved and avoiding causing embarrassment to others. It is often considered to be akin to a good deed—a benevolent act of kindness—though the literal translation is different: a mitzvah is a commandment, something you are obligated to do, even if it is hard. 

We can take this framing—the positive value of doing the things you should do—into secular life. Quoting her father, writer and lawyer Deirdre Sullivan titled her widely read 2005 essay “Always Go to the Funeral.”¹ Her point was: Do it. Do the hard, responsible thing, even if it is inconvenient or uncomfortable, or you just don’t feel like it. 

Making yourself do the difficult thing can be a little like plunging into a cold body of water. It would be easier to stay warm and dry, but you know that you’ll thank yourself later when you’re enjoying the post-dip dopamine. Overriding your instinctive desire to avoid discomfort requires self-knowledge and conscious decision-making: You take a deep breath and jump in.

But why? Fundamentally, this can be seen as reciprocity and social solidarity, not altruism. This is not about being a good person; rather, it is about duty—and perhaps wanting to live in a world where other people will also go out of their way to look after you or your loved ones when you need it. In today’s discourse of self-care and boundaries, collective responsibility can too easily be left behind.