At the start of life, a name is a shot in the dark. Our official moniker says more about who our parents were than who we might become. Sometimes they make a lucky guess and the name sticks; sometimes it doesn’t.

I dropped the letter “i” from my birthname, Tali, six years ago. Tal is a gender-neutral name, in sync with my nonbinary self. I haven’t yet legally changed it and there are still people who use the old one. Often I remind them, sometimes I let it be. It’s an ongoing journey.

Name changing is not necessarily a neat, linear process and each person has different considerations. You might already have chosen your new name—a variation on your old one, a long-held nickname, or a secret you’ve kept to yourself. Or you might feel overwhelmed by the possibilities; your old name isn’t right, but what would be? 

First, narrow down your options. Should your name reflect your new secular or religious way of life? Your gender? Your cultural heritage? Do you want a name that is noticed, or one that blends in with the crowd? A name that has some link to your old one—the same first letter, a similar meaning—or an entirely fresh start?

Next, brainstorm. You can look at lists online, filtered by gender or culture. You can trawl your family tree. Is there a biblical figure or contemporary celebrity who impresses you? You might take inspiration from a concept or attribute that resonates, from the natural world or from literature.

Try names out with close friends. Practice your new signature, sound out the syllables. Not everyone has a magical “click” moment, so take your time. A new name that feels unnatural at first could shift and grow on you. Some people go by their new name for months or years before deciding against it. But you can change your name more than once. This is a gift you’re giving yourself; it’s worth the effort.