There are many activities people are superstitious about: breaking mirrors, spilling salt and walking under ladders, to name a few. In the world of knitting, it is the “sweater curse” that strikes fear. Also known as “the curse of the love sweater” or “the curse of the boyfriend sweater,” it works like this: A person knits a sweater for their partner and it leads to the unraveling of their relationship. For many ardent knitters, this isn’t just superstition, but a phenomenon confirmed in the anecdotes of friends and online forums.¹

Knitting your partner a sweater as an act of devotion has a time-honored lineage. In her 2007 book Son of Stitch ‘n Bitch, Debbie Stoller writes that “in [19th-cenutry] Holland it was traditional for a bride to begin knitting [the] sweater for her betrothed on the day the wedding date was set.” The book also mentions similar customs in Britain at the time. “The future bride of a fisherman began knitting this special sweater as soon as she was engaged—and not a moment before,” Stoller writes. The belief that knitting your partner a sweater before marriage can lead to the relationship’s ultimate demise is more recent, however: It has grown in popularity over the last decade to the extent that internet forums are awash with messages by heartbroken knitters. “So I’m halfway through making his, and he broke up with me. Now I’m left with half a sweater and I can confirm that it’s a curse,” writes one devastated Reddit user on making a Harry Potter–themed Christmas pullover for her partner.

This sort of bad luck isn’t unique to knitting. According to Stephen Crabbe, senior lecturer in Applied Linguistics and Translation at the University of Portsmouth, getting a tattoo of your lover’s name is believed by many in the industry to doom the relationship. “According to Premier Laser Clinic after a five-year study, the most regretted tattoo (and the one most frequently removed) by customers at their clinics was an ex’s name,” he writes in The Conversation.

One obvious reason why these acts of devotion may spell disaster is that too grand a gesture too soon can force couples to rethink their relationship. As the Pulitzer Prize–winning author Alison Lurie once wrote in The New Yorker: “A handmade sweater is typically thick, elastic, and clingy: it suggests that the woman who is making it wants to surround its recipient and enclose him. To be presented with such a garment is a signal to a man that its maker has serious plans for him. If he is not ready for this, the gift will embarrass him and may frighten him away.”

Ultimately, time is not on the knitter’s side: A sweater can take several months to complete, a tattoo lasts forever. No wonder a significant proportion of relationships end up souring in the meantime. To hedge your bets, start with a scarf and work up from there.