There is a heartbreaking scene in James Baldwin’s 1962 novel, Another Country, in which Richard, a novelist and author of crime thrillers, accuses his wife of “despising” his creative work. “You seem to have so little respect for my success,” he barks at her, before breaking down in tears. The presence of creative ambition within any relationship can be corrosive; the potential for judgment is always present. If that feedback turns negative, friendship—and even love—can sour.

When the stakes are so high, what should you do if you can’t stand the artistic output of a close friend? Stay silent or speak up? It is first worth considering whether they really need to hear your honest thoughts. Will your feedback offer them a new way forward or will it simply drag them down? “Interpretation is the revenge of the intellect upon art,” Susan Sontag argued, and the motivations behind that vengeance need to be carefully thought through. 

Just as you wouldn’t critique a friend’s fashion choices or home decor, it is best to presume that their artwork is off-limits. But occasionally a friend will indicate that they crave candid appraisal amidst a sea of lickspittles too shy to speak up. Only if they have signified a desire for genuine reflection should you venture into this tricky territory.

Delivery and tone will be crucial. As W. Somerset Maugham wrote in Of Human Bondage, “People ask you for criticism, but they only want praise.” Try mixing the bad with the good, and emphasize the elements that you have enjoyed before outlining the areas that you feel need more work. 

Despite the confidence needed to put yourself out there as an artist, creatives can be a thin-skinned bunch. But even the greatest artists throughout history faced ridicule by strangers and friends alike. Take Swedish spiritualist painter Hilma Af Klint, who was so stung by her contemporaries’ poor reception of her art that she left instructions in her will that it was not to be shown for 20 years after her death. The recent rediscovery of her work has led to exhibitions in museums around the world. 

It just goes to show that our opinions and taste are often shaped by the social and political conditions in which we find ourselves. The dislike of a work of art often reflects more about the person who holds that view than about the artwork itself. An artist may not welcome the feedback of a friend, but they would do well to remember that the friend’s opinion is ultimately entirely subjective, and to heed the words of British writer Will Self: “A creative life cannot be sustained by approval, any more than it can be destroyed by criticism.”